____. . .I
hope no one finds out I eat kid cereal!
CINNAMON
TOAST CRUNCH
The
entire point of this commercial (two commercials, actually) is to
make Cinnamon Toast Crunch appealing to adults. And how do they do
that? With someone that sounds like Isaac fucking Hayes going off
about how delicious and sexy each morsel of the cereal is. At first
you think it's a voice over since they're showing Julia-Louise
Dreyfus' stunt double slowing chewing away as if someone's under the
table gobbling her vagina like an emaciated Ethiopian going to town
on a giant jawbreaker. It's as if they're saying that Cinnamon
Toast Crunch is so good it will cause multiple orgasms. Quite the
claim, I know. Eventually the camera pans back and shows the husband
staring at the box of cereal. He is the guy doing to voice-over.
And then she tells him to shut the fuck up, which is what every
person watching the commercial is thinking anyway. First of all,
Cinnamon Toast Crunch is delicious. Is there any childless adult
out there that loves sugary cereal but is too timid and self
conscious to let anyone see them buy a box of it in a grocery
store? Are they pushing their carts down the cereal aisle, saying
to themselves, "Mmmm.. Sugar makes me happy. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
has lots of sugar. Therefore, Cinnamon Toast Crunch equals happy.
Oh, but wait. There are other people in the store. They're all
staring at me. Staring at me with their eyes.
Watching. Waiting for me to slip up. If they see me buy this...
this children's cereal, that is just the opening they
need to socially destroy me. No, this week I shall go with Raisin
Bran once again!" Anyone who is too embarrassed to buy a box of
cereal probably shouldn't be shopping unsupervised. Personally, I
have no problem buying kid cereal. Kid cereals are delicious. I
eat Lucky Charms and don't feel shame. I'm sure everyone knows
Cinnamon Toast Crunch tastes like awesome no matter how old they
are, so why bother with this commercial in the first place?
Second, by
the wife's annoyed tone when she says, "Frank. Shut it," it's
pretty obvious this isn't the first time he wasn't able to start
breakfast until he showered his cereal with sexy compliments. What
is wrong with him, and more importantly, how did he pull himself
away from the seductive life of cereal-praising to find himself a
wife? She must've lost a bet at some point, and she lost bad.
There is a
second commercial like this. It's a sequel I guess. Now, instead
of Frank wooing his cereal, it's his kid. Also talking like Isaac
Hayes. Then the creepy little bastard asks Frank, "Who's your
daddy?" I think I see what's going on at the wacky cereal-pleasing
household. Lots and lots of incest, with the six-year-old kid as
the dominant one. Congratulations, General Mills: your cereal has
turned this family into a group of sexual deviants. Such is the
awesome power of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
The
entire point of this commercial (two commercials, actually) is to
make Cinnamon Toast Crunch appealing to adults. And how do they do
that? With someone that sounds like Isaac fucking Hayes going off
about how delicious and sexy each morsel of the cereal is. At first
you think it's a voice over since they're showing Julia-Louise
Dreyfus' stunt double slowing chewing away as if someone's under the
table gobbling her vagina like an emaciated Ethiopian going to town
on a giant jawbreaker. It's as if they're saying that Cinnamon
Toast Crunch is so good it will cause multiple orgasms. Quite the
claim, I know. Eventually the camera pans back and shows the husband
staring at the box of cereal. He is the guy doing to voice-over.
And then she tells him to shut the fuck up, which is what every
person watching the commercial is thinking anyway. First of all,
Cinnamon Toast Crunch is delicious. Is there any childless adult
out there that loves sugary cereal but is too timid and self
conscious to let anyone see them buy a box of it in a grocery
store? Are they pushing their carts down the cereal aisle, saying
to themselves, "Mmmm.. Sugar makes me happy. Cinnamon Toast Crunch
has lots of sugar. Therefore, Cinnamon Toast Crunch equals happy.
Oh, but wait. There are other people in the store. They're all
staring at me. Staring at me with their eyes.
Watching. Waiting for me to slip up. If they see me buy this...
this children's cereal, that is just the opening they
need to socially destroy me. No, this week I shall go with Raisin
Bran once again!" Anyone who is too embarrassed to buy a box of
cereal probably shouldn't be shopping unsupervised. Personally, I
have no problem buying kid cereal. Kid cereals are delicious. I
eat Lucky Charms and don't feel shame. I'm sure everyone knows
Cinnamon Toast Crunch tastes like awesome no matter how old they
are, so why bother with this commercial in the first place?