Hopefully
these commercials are now forever stored inside the same underground
vault where Hitler's brain lives inside a deadly robot because the
holidays are over, but I still hate them so now I'm going to talk
about how much they fill me with blood-boiling rage. It's eight
people representing Hallmark's version of perfect ethnic diversity.
There's a black woman, a blonde woman, a jewish woman, two
pretty-boy guys that most likely suck each other off at the tennis
club every chance they get, an asian woman, the most annoying little
girl in the universe, and some bastard little kid with a speech
impediment. They annoy people in random places by singing songs
about how Christmas is hectic and that everyone should buy Old Navy
clothes to make their lives easier to the tune of Christmas carols.
They all trade off in groups to sing their lines. Aside from the
fact that all of these songs are horrendous, the little girl makes
me want to kill. I fucking hate her tone-deaf ass. I want her to
die, but normal death isn't good enough for her, oh no. The only
adequately painful way for her to die would be some sort of
flaming-acid-bath/piranha/razor blade combination. The girl must be
destroyed. Every time I hear her belt out her half-a-line, it's
like screaming cats are running around in my brain smashing windows
with metal rakes. Then that little bastard says some gay
catch-phrase (and when I use the word "says", I really mean
"butchers the english language while spitting all over himself") and
I die a little more inside.
Most people,
thankfully, find these commercials almost as annoying as I do (no
one could hate this shit more than me). However, I've heard that
some people really like them. Those people are either
pedophiles, cannibals, people that wear tinfoil space helmets on
their oversized heads, or all three. Fuck Old Navy and fuck
you people out there that think these commercials are cute and/or
funny.
Side note: I found that picture at a
website
dedicated to stalking the blonde woman. He is one of the assholes
that likes this commercial. He must be destroyed.
Hopefully
these commercials are now forever stored inside the same underground
vault where Hitler's brain lives inside a deadly robot because the
holidays are over, but I still hate them so now I'm going to talk
about how much they fill me with blood-boiling rage. It's eight
people representing Hallmark's version of perfect ethnic diversity.
There's a black woman, a blonde woman, a jewish woman, two
pretty-boy guys that most likely suck each other off at the tennis
club every chance they get, an asian woman, the most annoying little
girl in the universe, and some bastard little kid with a speech
impediment. They annoy people in random places by singing songs
about how Christmas is hectic and that everyone should buy Old Navy
clothes to make their lives easier to the tune of Christmas carols.
They all trade off in groups to sing their lines. Aside from the
fact that all of these songs are horrendous, the little girl makes
me want to kill. I fucking hate her tone-deaf ass. I want her to
die, but normal death isn't good enough for her, oh no. The only
adequately painful way for her to die would be some sort of
flaming-acid-bath/piranha/razor blade combination. The girl must be
destroyed. Every time I hear her belt out her half-a-line, it's
like screaming cats are running around in my brain smashing windows
with metal rakes. Then that little bastard says some gay
catch-phrase (and when I use the word "says", I really mean
"butchers the english language while spitting all over himself") and
I die a little more inside.