__ _______________. . .It's
all about the O!!! Wheeeeee!
OVERSTOCK.COM
These
commercials have been on for a while. They feature some moderately
attractive woman that can't act going on and on about how great the
big "O" is. Also, everything in the commercial is white, from the
room she's sitting in to the table in front of her to her outfit. It's all white. That's because the people that created Overstock.com are racists and think white=perfect.
Bigots! Well, they have a new Christmas commercial out now,
where the terrible actress sings Jingle Bells, but changes the words
around to represent housewares instead of gaily romping through the
snow on a horse, which is faggily named "Bobtail." As if it wasn't
bad enough that they force this poor woman to sing hokey Christmas
carols (badly), they make her sing for what seems like three days.
I'm pretty sure the original Jingle Bells song is about a minute
long. Jingle Housewares has about 30 verses. And every one of them
is more terrifying than the last.
Some people,
on the other hand, can't get enough of this shit. At
this useless site, a guy named Seth Stevenson basically
ejaculates all over the woman from the commercial in type. He loves
it. He wants the commercial inside him. He even breaks down the commercial into specific categories of
what he likes best, such as "It's All About the Mesmerizing Babe"
and "It's All About the Double Entendre." He thinks he's clever by
naming all of his categories by spoofing the, "It's all about the O"
that she says at the beginning of each commercial. I bet this guy
masturbates to things he finds in his nose. He also claims she has
a Canadian accent, but I didn't once hear her say "eh" or
"aboot." The most
confusing part of this waste of bandwidth is the "It's All About the
Music" section. Here is a quote:
This simply can't be
the theme song for a retail store. Where's the up-tempo
power-pop? The jangling Stratocasters? The pounding beat? This
piece sounds more like an elegy for a long-departed lover.
What? Guess
what, genius: that's what you usually hear in stores. Shit, I've
heard an instrumental version of Staying Alive performed entirely
with Casio keyboards and backed up with the Casio keyboard's Tempo
button. Where the fuck is this guy shopping? I rarely go clothes
shopping and am lucky if I even leave the house with pants on, but
I've never been in a department store and heard power pop or a
"pounding beat." This asshole probably shops at Hot Topic, which
kind of explains why he's an idiot.
These
commercials have been on for a while. They feature some moderately
attractive woman that can't act going on and on about how great the
big "O" is. Also, everything in the commercial is white, from the
room she's sitting in to the table in front of her to her outfit. It's all white. That's because the people that created Overstock.com are racists and think white=perfect.
Bigots! Well, they have a new Christmas commercial out now,
where the terrible actress sings Jingle Bells, but changes the words
around to represent housewares instead of gaily romping through the
snow on a horse, which is faggily named "Bobtail." As if it wasn't
bad enough that they force this poor woman to sing hokey Christmas
carols (badly), they make her sing for what seems like three days.
I'm pretty sure the original Jingle Bells song is about a minute
long. Jingle Housewares has about 30 verses. And every one of them
is more terrifying than the last.