____. . .Pepsi
sucks unless there's alcohol in it.
TAILGATING
WITH PEPSI
There's a new Pepsi commercial
out now where they show loads of people tailgating before football
games. What is everyone drinking? Pepsi. Yeah.
No one drinks beer at a tailgating party. Retards. Some
of you might not think that drinking soda instead of alcohol while
tailgating is that bad. Fuck you. Let me put it in some
kind of wacky perspective. If I had brain damage and owned an
SUV, I'd probably throw a tailgating party out of the back of it.
Now, I would only serve meat and booze. If anyone showed up to
my crappy anti-minivan with a bottle of soda, I would grill that
guy's stupid face. Then we'd all take turns throwing beer
bottles at him while calling him a soda-drinking pussy. You
don't go to football games to sip Pepsi. You go to football
games to get fucking ripped, talk mad shit on people, and start
fights.
Another problem with this
commercial is that they are passing around a massive bowl of salad.
Salad? Fuck you. As I said already, you are only allowed to eat
meat, meat by-products, and cheese-related stuff. If you're eating lettuce, it had better
be sitting on some meat and cheese and wrapped in a giant bun made
out of a second kind of meat. Like those new rolls that
just came out. I think they're called "Bacon Buns." That would be
so sweet. But yeah. It'd be pretty hard to have a manly BBQ
tailgate party when next to the stack of ground beef is a big bowl
of tossed salad. You'd might as well get a bunch of hippies to prance
around it while singing gay protest songs and crying about all the
poor, defenseless, tasty animals you're sinking your meat-loving
teeth into. Fucking hippies.
So yeah, nobody drinks Pepsi at
a football party unless they're putting whiskey in it. Soda-drinking salad-eating pansy motherfuckers.