__ ____. . .Only
bad dudes can handle a Kia Sorento.
KIA
SORENTO
Do you live an extreme
lifestyle? Do you ram your head into hard things just to prove how
tough you are? Are you so out of touch with youth and its culture
(or lack thereof) that you think a Korean SUV will make you a bad
dude, just like how you thought you were when you were 18 and
head of the Math Club? Well then, does Kia have a car for you! Presenting the Kia Sorento - a vehicle so fucking extreme that the
only way you can warm up to driving something this rad is to jump
off a cliff before hopping in and letting the Sorento's badness take
you down the road to thrilling adventure! Note: thrilling adventure
is most likely an 8-hour day of sitting in a cubicle and going over
profit margins and company accounting books.
The
commercial starts off with a tool leaving the house in the morning
to go to work, his wife at the door seeing him off, and then he puts
on his helmet. At first you think it's because he's required
by the government to wear a helmet at all times to protect his
giant, soft head, but instead it's for safety since after he leaves
the house he jumps off of a cliff. That's right, he built his quaint little house
on top of a giant mountain. And his Sorento is waiting for him at
the bottom. He hops in and goes off for an exhilarating day at the
office. My biggest problem is: how the fuck does he get back to his
house? He obviously leaves the Sorento at the bottom of the gorge
when he comes home from work so he can start the next day off with
another base jump, so how does he get back up the cliff? Is there
an escalator? A catapult? Does he climb all the way back up
there? If it's the latter, it'd probably be time to go back to work
by the time he reaches the top. This is a perfect example of a
horrible, stupid, pointless fucking commercial. Kias are not
extreme, and extreme is fucking stupid at this point anyway (like it
ever wasn't). Go for
a new angle, like how you have the universe's best warranty (since
the cars usually break down after six months anyway). Idiots.
UPDATE
2/26/09: After looking around on the internet for YouTube
clips of these commercials, I found out that this commercial was
actually for a Suzuki Grand Vitara, not a Kia Sorento. It's an
honest mistake really since it's pretty much the same fucking car.
Pretend every time I wrote Kia it really said Suzuki. You
probably didn't even notice.
