Snoop Dogg says in his tough-guy voice, "Everybody needs a Sidekick."  More like a swift kick in the face. Guess what, Snoop - You're on a cell phone commercial with Wayne Newton and Paris Hilton talking about fabric softener.  FUCKING FABRIC SOFTENER!!!  Last time I checked, that kind of makes you a total pussy.  Snoop needs money.  BAD.  Remember that AOL 9.0 commercial he did with Jerry Stiller?  Yeah, Snoop's been whoring himself out like a motherfucker, and I don't mean like a motherfucking badass.  He even sold his Snoop Dogg name to this douche-bag so said douche-bag could put pictures of his pets on the internet.  Man, this guy's a total tool.

Wee Man is also in this commercial.  Now, I'm a huge fan of midgets.  Every time I see midgets, I clap and cheer and throw candy at them as a reward for brightening up my day.  I hate Wee Man though.  Fuck him, the obnoxious little prick.  He needs to be drop-kicked.

Who else is sick of Paris Hilton.  Listen, cunt - it's not "hot" that Snoop does his own laundry.  It's not "hot" that Big Boi (way to spell your name like a 12-year-old girl, pussy) cooks brisket.  Stop saying fucking "hot". Stop popping up on TV every two seconds unless you come over my house and suck my dick every time you do.  On second thought, don't bother, because I've seen your shitty night-vision porno and it didn't look like you were very good at it.  And about your porno, no one wants to see a girl get eaten out for 45 minutes, especially when she doesn't move or make any noise at all.  For your next fuck video, how about you get into it a little? Granted, the guy fucking you was a total pussy and probably takes it up the ass from frozen cobs of corn, but you could at least put some kind of effort into making it look convincing.  And while your at it, you're rich, get some bigger tits.

Once again: Wayne Newton.  I'd like to believe that Snoop Dogg would never talk to Wayne Newton.  Wayne Newton sucks and the last nail in the coffin of his career was Vegas Vacation (which is why he's doing cell phone commercials).  He says, "Fabric softener?  So that's how those hip hop guys get all the chicks!"  Really, he says that.  After that, he probably says, "I've gotta get me some fabric softener so I can get laid like it's still 1974 and that'll get rid of the cobwebs on my genitals."  No, Wayne; you can't get laid anymore because you're 300.  That bad toupee isn't fooling anyone so give it a rest.  On second thought, just die.

Before this commercial, when was the last time you saw Molly Shannon?  If you hang out by the dumpsters behind 7-11's, Chinese take-out places, and bodegas, it was probably some time last week.  And you've probably made a couple trips to the free clinic since then, too.

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