This commercial was on around this time last year too.  A family with a son and daughter are all at the mall and they are trying to figure out how to meet up.  The father rattles off a plan where each one will call the next person, like "Suzy call Billy, Billy call mom, and mom will call me."  That's much less complicated than, oh I don't know, "Let's meet at Cinnabon at 5:30."  But that's not the stupid part.  The stupid part is that the one kid says he doesn't have a phone, then the daughter says she doesn't have a phone.  At this point it's mildly annoying.  Then the mom says she doesn't have phone either.  You'd think the dad would know his family well enough to realize they don't have cell phones.  This guy's neglect seems to take the commercial to rock bottom.  But then we find out that there's a big crack in the floor.  That's right, Captain Retard doesn't have a cell phone either.  He's the dumb bastard that came up with the elaborate phone chain scheme, and he doesn't even have a phone himself.  I think that's special.  Maybe he was trying to pick up phone calls in his head using the metal plate that was put there after he spent an afternoon in his youth smacking himself in the face with a hammer.  The sheer stupidity of it makes my insides hurt.  Every time I hear him say, "Actually, I don't have a phone either," I want to put my foot through the TV in an insane attack to destroy him through time and space.  But at least they're all right in front of the Verizon store, and now's a perfect opportunity to sign up for their new & improved FAMILY PLAN!!!!  Fuck you, Verizon.  As if the "Can you hear me now?" guy wasn't annoying enough.  And if there was a guy walking around as stupid as the father of this fictional retard family, he'd probably be wearing his diaper on his head and screaming about tacos.

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