We all
know this asshole. He's Mr. Wendy, unofficial spokesman that
officially must die for the greater good. I
fucking hate him. I hate him with every fiber of my being. I hate
his constantly embarrassed TV wife. I hate his demon-spawn TV
children. I really hate that bitch that takes a mandarin chicken
salad from him and acts like it's the greatest thing in the universe. I hate
his smug "I'm Mr. Wendy, Unofficial Spokesman"
comment that he does in every episode. Every time I hear him say
it, I kill a cute, fuzzy little squirrel. I don't want to, but when
I hear that piece of shit talk, the voices in my head command me to
kill something innocent, and since there aren't any more babies in
the neighborhood (I use their blood for my evil rituals and then eat
them; they're very tasty), I kill squirrels and the occasional stray
cat.
Seriously, I know that no one
really liked Dave Thomas, but Mr. Wendy is making his zombie roll
over in
his grave. It won't be long until Zombie Dave Thomas rises from the
coffin, teams up with Grimace, Jared from Subway, and those goddamned
unholy gerbil things with real mouths that sing creepy songs
about Quizzno's and destroy the universe in an unstoppable rampage
of doom. Speaking of, I'm pretty sure that if you play that gerbil
Quizzno's song backwards, they're telling you to kill your parents.
I didn't think it was possible, but I couldn't find any pictures on
the internet from these commercials, probably because there are laws
preventing this (your tax dollars at work!). So to the left, for no
other reason, there's a picture of Mr. Wendy in a chef's hat that I
found. You can tell that evil motherfucker is up to something,
including poisoning our minds and eating buildings.
his grave. It won't be long until Zombie Dave Thomas rises from the
coffin, teams up with Grimace, Jared from Subway, and those goddamned
unholy gerbil things with real mouths that sing creepy songs
about Quizzno's and destroy the universe in an unstoppable rampage
of doom. Speaking of, I'm pretty sure that if you play that gerbil
Quizzno's song backwards, they're telling you to kill your parents.
I didn't think it was possible, but I couldn't find any pictures on
the internet from these commercials, probably because there are laws
preventing this (your tax dollars at work!). So to the left, for no
other reason, there's a picture of Mr. Wendy in a chef's hat that I
found. You can tell that evil motherfucker is up to something,
including poisoning our minds and eating buildings.