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Metal Kid used to love drinking Surge. He drank it fucking constantly. If you don't remember Surge, it's a Mountain Dew-like soda that first came out in fall of '97 and it was around for maybe four years. If that. I hate Mountain Dew to begin with, but this shit was fucking worse. My mom bought some of it when it came out, I tried some of the swamp-green colored bubbly liquid, and it almost made me shit my pants. Out of fear. Fear for my well-being and fear of doing permanent damage to my taste buds. I vowed never to drink the shit again. However, when I got to school, the Surge fairy must've come overnight because, man, the shit was e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e. You couldn't go into any building without seeing a Surge machine, and half of the buttons on every Surge machine were for fucking Surge. People were giving out Surge buttons and Surge posters and all kinds of shit. It's Mountain Dew, Jr!! And to make matters worse, it's somehow worse than Mountain Dew. Well, there was one person reveling in this outpouring of EXTREMENESS. It was Metal Kid. He drank the shit constantly. It's all he drank. I swear, he is solely responsible for keeping Surge on the market for as long as it was. Being that Metal Kid had both an unnatural love for Surge and unnatural drape on his head (by the way, "drape" is like a mullet, only not quite), we figured that the alien lifeform posing as hair and invading his brain must feed on Surge. All of the Surge machines and Surge propaganda were because the aliens had to make sure their drape-probe would get the nutrition it needed to control Metal Kid and keep him as metal as fucking possible. It makes so much sense. You can actually PROVE that the drape on his head needs Surge to keep Metal Kid metal as fuck using this equation below:
After a couple years, the Surge "Wave of Extremeness (tm)" ended. Metal Kid was most likely crushed by this, and it's no surprise to anyone that after Surge disappeared, Metal Kid cut his hair. Or, at least, that's what he'd like us to believe. We all know that his drape couldn't survive anymore without the green sludge, so it withered and died which allowed Metal Kid to control his body again for the first time since he had the drape bestowed upon him. |
