__________ ___________________. . .A
spoof of a remake of a crappy old sitcom?
BEWITCHED
Keeping
with the trend of ancient sitcoms-turned-movies, now let's talk about
Bewitched. Will Ferrell is really scraping the bottom of the barrel
with this one. All of his movies seems to be based around the fact
that he overacts and can pretend to cry poorly at the drop of a hat.
Like in Kicking and Screaming (or, as I like to call it, the Little
Giants of soccer). Yeah, it was a children's movie, but lots
of people still saw it just because Will Ferrell was in it, I'm sure.
Here's the deal with Will Ferrell: he's funny as shit in movies where he
isn't the main character, like in Old School and Jay andSilent
Bob Strike Back. When he starts starring as the lead actor, it
turns into two hours of unfunny diarrhea. I'm willing to go as far
as to say seeing Bewitched will completely ruin the sense of humor of
anyone that sees it. You know how if you see something that's 100
times as funny as anything you've ever seen before, like a midget on
roller skates holding sparklers while dressed up as a pantsless munchkin
from the Wizard of Oz jumping over a tiger in clown makeup and a
dress and then falling into a vat of giant novelty panties while screaming
"EEEEEEEE!!!!!", nothing else seems
funny anymore? Well this works like that, except after you see Bewitched,
the movie is so unfunny that you leave the theater with a desire to get an
accounting degree and start putting together an adorable scrapbook of kids
in vegetable costumes and dogs wearing
sweaters and goofy hats. You want proof? How about the
high-larious joke from the preview:
Kidman: I'm a witch!
Ferrell: I'm a Clippers fan!
Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
The premise of the
movie is stupid too. It's a movie about a studio remaking the
Bewitched TV show. That means it's a remake about a remake.
Holy not creative, Batman. Oh, and the twist (that sets the bar for
all future twists), is that Nicole Kidman, the actress playing the
actress that plays Samantha, is really a witch. I'll pause for a
minute while you pick up your hat because it definitely just
flew off all of your heads in astonishment. Then Will Ferrell finds
out she really is a witch and he does his usual trademarked "lots of
screaming and overacting followed by pointless crying and overacting." Wheeee. And then, at some point, this lady shows up and ruins the
libido of every man in the audience.
Count me out.
I already know how the movie turns out. Will Ferrell, being pompous
and all, starts getting nervous around Nicole Kidman, ruining his image of
being a conceited actor. This basically ruins the show, but after
lots of pointless dialogue and wacky witchcraft-related mayhem (like
turning his hand into a lobster claw for some pointless unfunny reason -
below), they fall in love and he moves with her back to where ever the
hell witches are from to live happily ever after and to ensure that everyone
in the audience throws up on each other. The end.
Keeping
with the trend of ancient sitcoms-turned-movies, now let's talk about
Bewitched. Will Ferrell is really scraping the bottom of the barrel
with this one. All of his movies seems to be based around the fact
that he overacts and can pretend to cry poorly at the drop of a hat.
Like in Kicking and Screaming (or, as I like to call it, the Little
Giants of soccer). Yeah, it was a children's movie, but lots
of people still saw it just because Will Ferrell was in it, I'm sure.
Here's the deal with Will Ferrell: he's funny as shit in movies where he
isn't the main character, like in Old School and Jay and Silent
Bob Strike Back. When he starts starring as the lead actor, it
turns into two hours of unfunny diarrhea. I'm willing to go as far
as to say seeing Bewitched will completely ruin the sense of humor of
anyone that sees it. You know how if you see something that's 100
times as funny as anything you've ever seen before, like a midget on
roller skates holding sparklers while dressed up as a pantsless munchkin
from the Wizard of Oz jumping over a tiger in clown makeup and a
dress and then falling into a vat of giant novelty panties while screaming
"EEEEEEEE!!!!!", nothing else seems
funny anymore? Well this works like that, except after you see Bewitched,
the movie is so unfunny that you leave the theater with a desire to get an
accounting degree and start putting together an adorable scrapbook of kids
in vegetable costumes and dogs wearing
sweaters and goofy hats. You want proof? How about the
high-larious joke from the preview:
