_______________________________________________. . .Dakota
Fanning is creepy.
WAR OF THE WORLDS
Another
fucking remake. This is a remake of a movie from the 50's that was a
remake of a radio show in the 20's or 30's. Here's a hint, Hollywood: if a
remake sucked the first time around, it's pretty much destined for failure
every time after that. And I'm fucking sick of Tom Cruise and that little
girl from Hide and Seek. She's fucking annoying. No more kids
in movies. No one needs them. If you must have a character in
your movie that's under the age of 16, hire a midget to play the part.
Could you imagine if a movie like Kicking and Screaming starred
midgets instead of little kids? That would rule so fucking hard that my face just exploded into a cloud of
awesome. But no, instead we have a movie about aliens or some shit
that destroy things and we get to see Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning run
around for no less than three hours. I know this movie will be long
as fucking shit. Why? Because it's a Steven Spielberg movie
and he can't make a movie anymore that's under two hours because his ego
won't let him, and because it's a remake. When some asshole decides
to remake an old movie, especially an action/sci-fi/non-comedy movie, they
try to make it a lot better than the first one. Yeah, that's a good
idea to have when doing something someone already did half a
century ago, but everyone that makes big budget movies is fucking retarded
and has no idea what "better" is.
The retards think "a lot better" means "three hours long and lots of
special effects" instead of "actually better."
First, the movie
will start off with Tom Cruise being happy and showing how great
everything is. Then, Dakota Fanning gets dumped off on him because
he's her uncle or some shit, and they don't get along. Then aliens
attack, start blowing shit up for a while, and Tom Cruise saves her.
Then, during the aftermath of the first wave of alien attacks, the two of
them run into lots of other survivors and they all nomadically wander
around, on foot (because none of the cars work anymore, even the ones that
weren't melted by aliens) trying to find help or an alien-free place to
live or something where they can rebuild society. Then the army
tries to stop the aliens and they fail miserably. To eventually
defeat the aliens, something really stupid happens, like the aliens melt
in the rain or the sound of country music makes them explode, or their one
weakness is witnessing the triumph of the human spirit. Then, at
the end of the movie, Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning put aside their
differences and grow close because of all they've been through. Then
everyone leaves the theater feeling good about themselves except for
people like me that realize they just wasted three hours and eight
dollars.
Update 3/9/07 - I saw this recently, and holy
shit, I was almost 100% right. I should run for emperor.
Another
fucking remake. This is a remake of a movie from the 50's that was a
remake of a radio show in the 20's or 30's. Here's a hint, Hollywood: if a
remake sucked the first time around, it's pretty much destined for failure
every time after that. And I'm fucking sick of Tom Cruise and that little
girl from Hide and Seek. She's fucking annoying. No more kids
in movies. No one needs them. If you must have a character in
your movie that's under the age of 16, hire a midget to play the part.
Could you imagine if a movie like Kicking and Screaming starred
midgets instead of little kids? That would rule so fucking hard that my face just exploded into a cloud of
awesome. But no, instead we have a movie about aliens or some shit
that destroy things and we get to see Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning run
around for no less than three hours. I know this movie will be long
as fucking shit. Why? Because it's a Steven Spielberg movie
and he can't make a movie anymore that's under two hours because his ego
won't let him, and because it's a remake. When some asshole decides
to remake an old movie, especially an action/sci-fi/non-comedy movie, they
try to make it a lot better than the first one. Yeah, that's a good
idea to have when doing something someone already did half a
century ago, but everyone that makes big budget movies is fucking retarded
and has no idea what "better" is.
The retards think "a lot better" means "three hours long and lots of
special effects" instead of "actually better."