Something has been really bothering me for years.  I have no idea why, but it pisses me off to no end.  What is it?  I hate when people back into parking spaces.  I don't mean parallel parking, I mean pulling into a parking lot, and then going out of your way to back into a parking spot.  I'm not sure why it annoys me, but it pisses me off more than bad breath and left-handed people combined.  I'll try to imagine what goes on in someone's brain that forces them to back into parking spots:

"Yeah, time for some shopping!  I am totally gonna splurge on some energy drinks and frosting!  Pshh, look at how all these people are parked!  They've all pulled into their parking spots!  Why? Don't they know how to back up?  Ha ha, losers! Well, I'll show them!  I'll show them all!  This is how a REAL MAN parks his 1989 Buick Le Sabre!  Ok, there's a spot.  Now, let me whip my car around so I can back in to the spot.  Shit!  Too far.  Okay, let me readjust myself.  Ok, now to back up. Backing up.  Backing up.  Slowly now!  Backing up.... and we're there!  Okay, now to get out. Fuck, that car next to me is way too close and I just hit my door on theirs.  What is this person's fucking problem parking so close?!  Yeah, I'm completely over the line since I backed in and I'm an idiot, but fuck that guy next to me.  He should know better!  Didn't he know that one of his betters was going to come along and back into the spot next to him?!  He should have thought ahead! Looks like my door left a nasty dent in the side of his car, but mine's fine.  Oh well, serves him right for pulling forward into the parking spot like a little BITCH instead of backing in like a real man!  Who cares if he's between the lines while my car is crooked and a foot over the line!  I backed in!  I know how to back up! Granted I can't back my car in straight and I have no idea where the parking spot actually is, at least I can show the world that the reverse gear in my car is fully functional!"

"Hey, that chick in the next row is totally checking me out!  She must be impressed at my amazing backing-up skill!  Who wouldn't be?  All the ladies who see me back my car into parking spaces know I'm a winner, and all they can think about is tearing my clothes off and doing things to my tiny -I mean HUGE- penis that are probably illegal in this state; that's how bad they want me!  All because I backed my car into this parking space with such poise, such amazing skill!  The only time chicks want me more is when I "accidentally" graze the side of their cars when I'm in the middle of demonstrating my alpha male-like backing-up mastery.  When that happens, they give me that look - oh god, I love that look - the one where they look so frustrated and pissed off.  Heh, of course the reason they're pissed and frustrated is that they're not going to get any from me, at least not right here in the parking lot.  I always wink at them though, and maybe give a little head nod to show them that I'm aware that they can recognize a great backer upper when they see one!  Man, I fucking rule!  Well, I'd better get into the store.  I think I can let everyone bask in my wonderful backed-in park job unsupervised for a little while."

"Man, this store had some great deals!  Well, they probably just gave everything to me for so cheap since they can tell I back into parking spaces.  And right they should!  I mean, I can back into parking spaces!  Everyone admires me for it! Huh. There's a note on my windshield.  Oh, it's from the guy whose car I dented with my door.  I'm not going to bother reading it.  I've gotten lots of these notes and I've never read them because I already know what they'll say.  This guy was probably just so impressed that I was able to back into the spot, and it's a letter of congratulations commending me on my awesome parking skill!  He should be honored that I marked his car.  It'll be a constant reminder to him that backing into parking spots is possible with enough skill, and hopefully that will motivate him to practice backing up himself, and then us backer uppers will have another member added to our elite ranks!  Well, enough of this, time to leave.  Man, I'm so happy I know how to back into parking spots, because now I can just pull out of this spot and be on my way without having to back out of it!  Who has that kind of time?  Never mind the fact that I probably wasted more time backing into the parking spot from the get-go than I would have backing out of it if I had just parked normally like all of the lesser, weaker people. I can pull out right away right now!  It's saving me so much time it's like I'm traveling into the future!  Awesome!  It's a good thing too, because if I had to back out of this spot, I'd be a few seconds late for my Dungeons and Dragons party. That reminds me, I've got to get going so I can change into my wood nymph costume and find my multi-sided dice!  Yeah!"

And I guess that's why I hate it when people back into parking spaces.  You can back up, we get it.  Now if you really want to impress the rest of us, how about you learn how to actually get your car INSIDE THE FUCKING SPACE.  The lines are there for a reason, dickhead.  Maybe you should master not being a fucking idiot before you "show off."

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