A coworker sent this comic book cover around the office today.  It is hilarious.  There is so much going on in this picture, I figured I'd talk about it.  First, the obvious: it's called GAY.  All caps.  That, right there, is priceless.  Granted, this is a 1949 comic book, and back in 1949, "gay" meant happy instead of "puts things in ass."  However, I think it's funny that they still made the angry guy's word bubble pink even though this is Happy Comics.  Why didn't they make it white like usual?  Maybe it is because times were really different in 1949.  Or maybe because even back then playing Hard to Get was really fucking gay.  I'll leave that one up to you to figure out.

What kind of crazy fucking stalker is this kid (who I will now refer to as Dingus since I don't know his name)?  I mean Dingus must hide naked in her closet every night, waiting for her to fall asleep so he can take pictures of her while his balls are in her mouth.  He probably also send her dead cats and half-eaten chocolates as gifts, along with a card that says "MILLIE YOU WILL BE MINE" scrawled in his own blood and semen.  I can't think of any other reason she'd need a moat, barbed wire, and a rabid fucking dog to keep this creepy little bastard away.  Or maybe he's just that much of a tool that she wants him to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the he will never have any gay times with her.  Look how he's dressed. I know this comic came out in the forties, but I still think the only people who dressed like that back then were destined for a life of pulling things out of their noses and then scientifically categorizing them in order of nastiness.  And Dingus is a total spaz too.  He's flipping out like a drunken gold miner.  Give him some patched overalls, a beard, and a floppy hat and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.  He's either a claim jumper disguised as Archie or he's dancing the worst fucking jig in history.

What is Millie reading?  Maybe a book called "So They Haven't Invented Restraining Orders Yet..."  Maybe she's reading the previous issue of GAY, #35, to find out why she's sitting in that chair.  And why is she dressed like a tight-assed stenographer?  I love the shoulder pads, too.  They should bring those back again like someone tried to do in the 80's.  Because, you know, women are really hot when they look like robots. And Millie is a terrible fucking name.  Tessie and Nellie aren't much better.  I know it's GAY Comics, but come one.  It's 1949, they should have named them Agnes, Esther, and Gertrude.  I might believe that.

I love how Dingus screams, "Look, Millie, playing 'Hard to Get' is okay... but you're overdoing it! " (The original quote had the words, "you fucking bitch" tacked on at the end, but the censors wouldn't go for it; it wasn't gay enough)  I'm going to take a stab in the dark here and say that she isn't playing hard to get.  Hard to get is annoying and playful, not malicious and life-threatening.  Millie is really playing "I want you to die, you creepy motherfucker."  I didn't read the whole How to Play 'Hard to Get' Handbook, but I checked the index for "rabid dog" and "barbed wire;" they weren't in there.  It's safe to say the only thing she wants to do with Dingus' genitals is feed them to her angry mutt.

Advice for Dingus:  Ditch the Conan O'Brian hairdo.  Also, stop dressing like a senial Vaudeville performer.  No amount of slapstick, piano, and hokey comedy routines about riding the trolley for a nickle are going to get you laid, even in 1949. Think about it, chief; it was after World War II.  The only guys getting any action were the ones that spent three years shooting and then eating Germans.  I don't even know what kind of act you threw together there, but it will never stand up to having a metal plate in your head from where some Nazi shot you in the heat of battle right before you tore his face off.

I wonder why Marvel discontinued GAY Comics.  I'm sure they'd be a big hit with the kids nowadays.

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