First of all, let me just say that I'm a big fan of porn just like everyone else.  However, I don't know how this happened but my bulk email folder is filled every day with the gibberish above.  Usually, it's the Free Lesbian Yearbook porn, which would rule if the lesbians in the yearbook were anyone other than Chernobyl fallout victims.  I get about 10 of these a day, and they're all pretty self explanatory.  Lately I've been getting some weird ones that look like they were typed up by a monkey who bashed keyboards together until the email was mysteriously sent.  The names of the "people" sending me these are hilarious too.  Okay, Julia and Kara are normal or whatever, but a couple times a week I'll get a badly-spelled porn email from a ridiculous name.  Like "Troy H. Dispossess."  I don't know where they got the name from, but if my name was Troy H. Dispossess, I can assure you that my underwear would probably yank itself up my ass.  Look at the subject line: "Wet Chicks Eevry Hloe Fileld with Cum."  At first I thought that the online porn industry started hiring little retarded boys to type up their spam emails (you know, instead of the little regular boys they already hire).  Then, I decided to stick with my original thought of monkeys typing these things up.  Why are three words spelled blatantly wrong?  I mean, they spelled "cum" right, but "every," "filled," and "hole" were a little too tricky for them?  It's not like there's a benefit to typing those words that way.  It's not like anti-porn spam-blocker programs are eliminating all emails containing "filled" and "every," but leaving emails that say "cum" alone.  Fucking retardation.

Now back to the Julia and Kara emails.  I clicked on them both because, although I assumed they were porn (and they were), a part of me wanted to believe that I was a secret agent and these were correspondences from sexy female spies that wanted to team up with me to destroy the afterlife.  And that would be totally sweet.  I mean, what would you think if you got an email that said, "divine offspring strangers thin unanswered significantly beyond?"  How about one that said, "binding attachment prayers pains purchased?"  Those two sentences mean absolutely nothing and make no sense whatsoever.  But they would make sense if it was a secret code from a spy, and they are awaiting my secret code response. So to Julia, I sent "the crow catches fire flies south into pudding" as my response, and I told Kara "unholy gossamer mask will devastate Newark liberating mole people."  Hopefully I get my replies soon, because I'm really eager to get this super-secret spy stuff underway.

And for the record, yes, I do like it pink.  I was a little pissed at myself for leaving before those two girls made out though.  Oh well.

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